"BUT WHO'S COUNTING?"
How many times have we heard this sarcastic expression...this expression that really means that we are keeping the exact score!
 
So here I am at my five-year-old grandson's Dynamo soccer game.
For those who don't know, at Dynamo Soccer, you root for the team ("Go Blue"), not the individual (not even my Grandson!!!). The score is not kept.

Should any of these kids ask about the score, the reply is "we don't keep score."

So I engage in a friendly debate with another parent on the sideline.

My friend thinks that "they're only five-year-olds, the score isn't important. Let them just learn to play the game and in a couple of years, when they are seven or eight, they can start keeping score."

I feel a little differently. "It's not realistic," I said. "They understand about winning and losing.  They see us in total stress and anxiety when the Steelers and Penguins lose (and utter shock if the Pirates win). Let's teach them how to play, which means teaching them how to win as well as teaching them how to lose." 

A great debate. Both sides have winning points! Whoops, I'll change that: Both side posit valid points. Whew!
 
THE GREAT RECORDER VS LOMBARDI
I spent nine summers at overnight camp as a camper and counselor. I spent nine years reading the following sign three times every day in the mess hall:
"When the great recorder comes to record against your name, He asks not who won or lost, but how you played the game."
However, I've also spent 49 years mulling over Vince Lombardi's legendary words:
"Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."

Wow! This winning and losing stuff is intense!
 
SINATRA...AGAIN
As my man crooned it..."I've been up and down and over and out..." Me too.

I was delirious over Franco's Immaculate Reception.
I was there (no really, I was actually there) for Maz's historic home run in 1960.
I practically cried (in front of my kids) when Sid Bream slid home in the bottom of the 9th in the early 90's and cost the Pirates a trip to the World Series.
And Tim Tebow last year against the Steelers...I'll never get over it.
I don't want to predict the degree of my ourburst if my guy for Prez loses in November.

And personally:
When I was 10-years-old I lost a "do you want to be a sports announcer" contest that I knew I couldn't lose. Except for meals, I didn't leave my room for three days. 

Or the second grade spelling bee that still haunts me...when I was one of two finalists to take the crown and was given the word "bird," to which I excitedly responded, "B-R-I-D." 

And then, the worst. My grandson, again, having to hear an opposing five-year-old tell him that his team, Blue, "was really bad." I couldn't believe it. Trash talking, at the age of five. He cried and so did I (behind a tree).
 
So here we are, readers. Whether winning or losing, competition can be nauseating. 
 
It was a rough sea and a number of pallid individuals were leaning over the rail of an ocean liner. A man, walking on deck, stopped to sympathize with one very obviously sick person. "Stomach a bit weak, eh?" he inquired.

"Weak, nothin'," gasped the sufferer, "if you'll notice, I'm throwin' as far as any any of 'em."
 
So who's counting?
 
These issues come up often in the agenda's of my coaching clients.
"I didn't get the promotion."
"I didn't meet my goal."
"Why am I losing (not closing) sales?
 
We grapple with these issues.
My role is to act as the catalyst to help my clients uncover solutions, to achieve goals, to leap forward, to learn how to win and what to do when you lose. 

I do this with my seven grandchildren, too, as I pile up properties in Junior Monopoly or I get crushed at Sorry. Sometimes when I am The Hulk, I beat the brains out of Iron Man (my two-year-old grandson) and other times he is Spiderman and destroys me, Dr. Doom. Many times we talk about winning and losing, but always about being good people. 

When they are just a little older I'll tell them this gem:

Some time ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled assembled at the starting line for the 100 yard dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but a yearning to run the race to the finish and win. All,that is, except one boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times and began to cry. The other 8 heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. They all turned around and went back. Everyone of them.
 
One girl, with Down's Syndrome, bent down and kissed him and said, "this will make it better." All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together. Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this: What matters in life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing the course.
 
Go Blue...and Go Jonah!

I Could Have Been The Godfather!
That's right.

In the mid 70's, a very dear friend of mine who had parlayed his six-year NFL career and two Green Bay Packer Super Bowl rings into a small nest egg, asked my brother and me to be on the original Board of Directors of a start-up company he helped found. All that was required was a $1,000 investment and my/our assent. I thought about it, considered it, and refused "the offer I couldn't refuse." 

I simply did not think that a fast-food pizza joint could make it and passed up the opportunity to be one of the original founders and investors of Pizza Hut. Sigh...Oh my...Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.

I sometimes think that I could have made Herman Cain an afterthought. (Actually, I think he already is.)

I admit that sometimes I do look back, but only to help me stay focused on looking ahead. I've learned to take risks, to take chances, to be innovative, to recognize opportunity...and to applaud it when I see it elsewhere. It all reminds me of a story that President Kennedy once told about a gardener who was once asked to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow growing and would not bloom for a hundred years. Replied the owner of the estate, "In that case, there is no time to lose. Plant it this afternoon."

If You Build It, They Will Come
I learned my lesson before I saw the movie. It's ok to take a risk...if you think it through...if you do your own due diligence. I opened up an unconventional, "it-won't-work" coin laundromat. I initiated a "Ladies Day" at my less-than-desirably-located men's clothing store on a Monday before Christmas (my store was closed on all Mondays). Why would just women come to an ill-located area with limited parking to shop? 

Because they trusted us, because we had a Tuxedo-dressed doorman to walk them to their car, because we had wine and champagne, a handwriting analyst, a chair massage, a caricaturist, a latte coffee bar, a gift for every woman who came, and even a "Ladies Day" discount. That's why.

Save...By Spending More And Buying More
That's the new Costco slogan. And that's what we do, my wife and I. We spend more money there than at our usual trip to the grocery store by buying more than we need. Now there's a strategy. I've looked at those three unopened bottles of Heinz Ketchup in our pantry for six months now just waiting for their turn. I can almost hear them singing that famous Carly Simon song/commercial...ANTICIPATION.

Did we really think that people would pay in advance (way in advance, those same people pray) for "final expenses" or pay four dollars for a small amount of espresso mixed with a large amount of milk? (Give it a fancy name like "latte" and I sure do).

Yes.

It's all about creating memorable experiences, taking some risks and believing in yourself....and that's the agenda that many of my coaching clients bring to our sessions. We get actively engaged in these topics. Is there a fund raiser, anyone in sales, or someone who is interviewing or transitioning that shouldn't be armed with self-confidence, that shouldn't be willing to take a chance, or leave  a lasting and positive impression with their target?

No.

If only I would have had a Coach.

OK. I wouldn't be smelling the roses I smell every day now...but the aroma of the cheese and sauce and pepperoni. Hmmmmmm.

Which makes me think of the Professor:

A professor stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I know that you've worked hard in this course and that many of you are soon off to medical school. So that no one gets there QPA messed up because of excessive celebration this week, anyone who would like to opt out of this final today will receive a "B" for the course". With much rejoicing many students thanked the prof as they signed out on his offer and left. As the last taker left, the professor offered "one last chance" to those who remained. One more student rose up and took the offer. The professor then closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining.

"I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all have A's."

I love Sinatra. I listen to him when I run; my car radio button is glued to Seriously Sinatra; I watch his old TV appearances and reruns of his Vegas shows. I don't care if he is Johnny Fontaine in the Godfather, I love this guy. 

Here's the surprise, though. My favorite song of his isn't Fly Me To The Moon or Make It One For My Baby or any other of his hits. It's Here's To the Band. 

Why?

Because he acknowledges, he praises, he gives credit to his support team, the group that delivers his music. He's very clear about this when he belts out: "Here's to the band. I wouldn't have made it without them."

There's more than just a tune and lyrics here. There's a message:
It's not just about the CEO, the Executive Staff, the Management Team.
It's not just about the owners, the VPs and presidents.
It's not just about CFOs, the development staff, and the sales staff.
It's also about the clerks, the receptionists, the admin staff, the data processors, the entry level people. 

It's about the band. Often the key to our businesses' reputations are the front-line employees. They are the men and women who first greet our customers when they walk in the door, deliver the messages accurately when we return to the office, plug in the correct data to our spreadsheets.

Chicago...New York...South Of The Border
Wow! Can my man Frank sing about these places.

And do those places host Conferences for all the various impressive titles of the folks running these companies, corporations, businesses, and agencies? Yes indeedy. But not for the front-line employees.

I'm waiting for the CEO at a Fortune 500 Company to post this: 

ATTENTION SECRETARIES, RECEPTIONISTS AND CASHIERS 
3 DAY CONFERENCE IN ORLANDO...ALL EXPENSES PAID. 
LEARN HOW TO BE THE BEST AT WHAT YOU DO

And if you saw this posted, you'd say, no way...it's witchcraft.

This all works out just fine for me, though, because those conferences that will never be help me to keep my Coaching business quite active. I coach the admin, clerical, and entry level staffs of these companies on how to be better at these jobs of theirs, on how to get noticed. We work on phone skills: warmth, graciousness, politeness. We work on face to face skills: body language, tonality, vocabulary. We work on understanding, communicating and being enthusiastic about the mission of the corporation or agency they work for.

We're the band, fine tuning skills, keeping in sync with each other, orchestrating individually to bring it all together for the Chairman of the Board.

It Was A Very Good Year
You see, I have little doubt that it starts at the bottom, not the top. It starts with the front-line. They get the first call, the first complaint, the first question...hardly ever, the first compliment. They set the tone. They give the first impression, and sometimes the only impression. They can contribute very positively to that end of year statement or report. They can validate my core belief that all people are far greater than the job they do.

How High Can You Jump?
Fleas are trained by putting them in a cardboard box with a top on it. The fleas will jump and hit the top of the cardboard box repeatedly. Eventually they continue to jump, but not high enough to hit the top. (They ain't dumb.) When the lid is removed they continue to jump. But they will not jump out of the box. They won't because they can't. Why? Because they have conditioned themselves to jump so high and no higher. That's all they can do.

Many times people do the same thing. They become restricted, unmotivated, and never reach their potential, thinking they are doing all they can do. Complacency can be a career killer.

I gotta start coaching fleas.

Except, they'd get under my skin.

The Mission
A passerby stopped by a bunch of construction workers on the job site. As he walked around the construction he randomly asked 3 of them what they were building.

The first said he was laying bricks.
The second one said he was building a retaining wall.
The third one said he was building a cathedral where people will come to pray.

I can almost hear him saying to himself...I did it my way. 

Underwear and Gratitude: Get It?
My two-year-old grandson loves picking out his 5-year-old brother's underwear every morning. He lives for it. It's the first thing he does after waking up. And what does he do after that, absolutely unprompted? He says "thank you" to his bro...for that privilege.

Kids...will they ever quit teaching us!
 
For over 30 years whenever a customer of my former business picked up a garment from our tailor shop, there was a substantive, handwritten personal thank you note from that customer's salesman placed inside the pocket. Every time. Every customer. It became our literal and figurative signature.

Now, many years later, when I run in to many of those same customers, they remind me about the warmth and sense of loyalty that those notes evoked.

Upon consideration, I take back the two above words "every time." Of all people, I, the owner, forgot to write one for someone who had been shopping at my store for 20 some years and who must have received dozens of these notes (each one different). He actually called me a few days later when putting the garment on because he "noticed" the absence of the note. "Larry", he exclaimed, "have I done anything to not deserve your thank you note?"
 
$20.00 = $200 million
A young couple I know starting a savings account from wedding gift money. They are taking up a 1/2 hour of this banker's time trying to decide if this is "their bank." The banker carefully and thoroughly explains all available options. He's patient, he's attentive, he listens...all of this for a paltry $20,000 for a bank that has a couple of  hundred million on deposit. The couple decides to sign. The banker handwrites a beautiful thank you note praising them for being so deliberate with their decision making process and congratulates them on the birth of their new son. 

Why does he remember? Why does he care? Because he understands that trust is more important than the details. Because he is good.
 
I coach fundraisers, retailers and all service providers, and anyone in career transition or just beginning their search on the never stated enough importance of the words THANK YOU...or other ways of expressing gratitude. Some of this note writing stuff is pretty darn basic...nothing pre-printed, personally addressed, personal salutation. Then we get a bit deeper...noting something specific about the past conversation, an attention getting PS, and, for fundraisers, emitting joy, enthusiasm and emotion. In training sessions, I have devoted up to an hour on this subject.
 
The Rabbi And The Toll-Taker
A few years ago, an extremely respected and affluent owner of a chain of stores in our community was asked to be the commencement speaker at a local university. He shared this personal experience:

Years earlier, he (we'll call him Mr. David) was in a car-ride discussion with his Rabbi about getting deeper into the religious part of his faith. The eager learner was driving and just shortly after he paid a toll taker, the rabbi said, "before you go any deeper into this study of our faith, you must learn the two most important words in any faith, 'thank you.' You did not thank that toll taker, who is a hard working human being!" Lesson learned, filed away, moving on.
 
Mr. David goes on with his graduation speech by relating that for the past few months he has been traveling often between Pittsburgh and Ohio as his new prototype "super store" is getting ready to open. On Grand Opening Day he addresses the staff and customers just before cutting the ribbon. After his eloquent welcome speech a woman approaches him and tells him what a"remarkable, kind, caring and deeply sensitive" man he is. Mr. David responds, embarrassingly,  "do I know you... how do you know me so well  to say such flattering things to me?" She responds by saying that "for the past many months I have been the toll taker you pay on the Turnpike. Every time you pay me you say "thank you" to me. No one does that. Clearly this is evidence of your unmatched character." 

WOW!
 
Two words: "thank you." They convey appreciation, respect and gratitude.
The message is in the details. That's my role.
 
A little girl approached a great concert violinist after his performance and asked him for his autograph. "I'm sorry", said the maestro, "but my hands are too tired from playing."

"My hands are tired, too,", said the little girl, "and they're tired from applauding."

Mind Your Own Business
I coach retailers and all sorts of service providers: doctors, lawyers, and sales clerks. The common struggle with all is that they forget their 101 classes, i.e. how to get an easy add on sale, how to "capture" a client, how to get customers excited enough to brag about their experience. 

Stamps and Eye Brows...So What!
I am standing in a long line at arguably the worst post office in Pittsburgh.

I mean these workers have been there for years and still don't know how to smile, be polite, or even pretend to care.

But I got a break. It's April 17th and taxes are due; thus, the long line, and I got an "extra" taking care of me. She smiles, she's conversational, she 's helpful. And after placing my package in the Out bin, she politely asked me, "Mr. Rubin, (she actually took note of my name on my credit card) do you need any stamps today?"

I thought about it. And I realized I did need stamps today. So I bought a roll. And she said "thank you."

Wow! I asked her if I could compliment her to her supervisor, whose picture may have been on the wall under "missing persons."

I am getting my 3 week "buzz" haircut at a large chain that I always go to. I'm known as "8-minute-Larry" (which should give you a hint about how much hair I don't have). I'm always in a hurry; I'm in and I'm out.

The last time my scalp needed a stylist was somewhere around the time I got my driver's license. But this new staff member, who randomly gets me, makes me stay two minutes longer (I began by despising him for attempting to make me remain in this momentary prison longer than normal) by trimming my eye brows and the obvious social-security-eligible hair now growing around my ears as well as the follicle or two that has suddenly regenerated on my naked scalp.

Guess what? I like this guy, Rob.

I'm going back there only when he is there...and I'm going to continue to generously tip him.

It's About Personal Care, Stupid!
I was a month away from opening up a high end coffee shop, high end in motif, quality of product, staff. I needed a take-charge, "I-know-what-to-do" manager. I found him at last at one of local Starbucks.  I didn't need an interview or references because on that particular Monday, as he made me my regular drink (without asking me what it was) he says to me, "Larry, how was your week-end in Cleveland with your kids and grandchildren?" I reply, "Jason, how did you even remember my name let alone where I was this weekend?" Says Jason, how can I not know your name? You come in here at least three times a week and you told me last week how you were spending your weekend." 

Hey, valued readers, do you get it! This guy Jason…he listens. He remembers. He's hired (no matter what his salary requirements are) and he's still with us 6 years later.

Someone else once said: you have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that ratio.

OFFICE DEPOT & TRADER JOE'S vs. wal-mart
Yea, one is smaller than the other two. But ask someone at Wal-Mart (if you ever find an employee) where you can find a certain item and their finger will do the walkin'. Ask someone at Office Depot or Trader Joe's and they'll take you. I, and many others, will gladly pay the extra 7 cents, if that, for the item.
  
So, it is about the basics, the foundation.

Cheryl, one of the fundraisers I coach got it.

After a relationship-building meeting with a donor, she recorded that this donor was a fan of John Grisham novels. A month later she e-mailed him that she noticed Grisham's latest was on the Barnes & Noble shelves. This donor of large bucks was astounded and bragged about the very person who solicited him.

The lesson here: listen, remember and record. Remembering the dog's name or the client's anniversary  can pay huge dividends...but that's basic, right? I know you know this already. It's intuitive. But maybe it's time to refresh, or add to your skill set. Maybe it's time to relight the fire, get back the passion and exhilaration... And then charge forward. Coaching can help you do that. I can help you do that.

So here's to Rob, Jason, Cheryl, the U.S. postal worker, Trader Joe's and Office Depot. And here's to  Ralph Waldo Emerson who said: "nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."